We Can Only Go So Far
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day six hundred and sixty-three: Neither of them is ready to step up there, but they had to sit and watch.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 31st cycle. Now cycle 32!_

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><p><strong>Hear that little bird twitter!<strong> _Been thinking about doing this for a couple days, then this morning decided to just go for it. If you go there, find 'gleekathon' and there I'll be. There's also a video explaining everything... Yep... ;) Check it out!_

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><p><strong>"We Can Only Go So Far"<br>Santana & Karofsky, Brittana **

The shirt, in her hands, felt… She didn't know how to describe it, but she knew some part of it involved fear. She watched Brittany walk away, much stronger now, in her eyes, while Santana had gone and revealed weakness inside her. It wasn't a good feeling, she couldn't like that it existed. This was the reason she stood there, staring at the shirt in her hands…

Lebanese… Lesbian…

It wasn't as though it wasn't true. She had gone a long time not being able to see it, or admit it to herself, but she had finally taken a step forward, if only for herself… and for Brittany… and no one else.

Brittany… one and only sweetheart. She wanted her to keep on taking those steps, to put on the shirt, dance with her… admit her truth to one and all… and this made all the difference between going 'well what's so scary about that?' and knowing exactly how. But she had to try, at least for Brittany's sake… and her own, if all the faith that had been put in her meant anything.

So she'd gone to the bathroom, locked herself into one of the stalls and peeled off her vest, then the 'bitch' shirt. She picked up the other shirt, fingers brushing at the letters as her forehead touched to the stall door. She didn't want to have to play the 'mental smackdown' card, where she had to convince herself by force… This was going to happen however it did, and that would be that…

But finally she had stood back up, kind of nodded to herself, and she'd put the shirt on. She slipped her vest back on, shutting it before reaching to pull her hair free from inside the shirt. She took the other shirt, checked that her vest was in fact well zipped up, and then she left the bathroom and took the old shirt to her locker, throwing it in before heading toward the auditorium. She almost felt exposed, even if the vest covered up the word on her chest, and the walk had never felt so long. When she got there, she took one step, then a second… and she couldn't take another. She sat down, looking down at the stage where they would dance, where Brittany would dance… without her.

She startled when she thought she heard steps behind her. She turned… and relaxed. She looked to Karofsky, standing there, and he stared back at her… He hadn't realized she'd be there. She gave a quiet signal for him to come sit with her; he didn't move. "You do realize they'll see you," she told him, looking back ahead. She knew sitting wasn't about to make them invisible either, but it increased their chances. If he didn't want to sit, then that was his pr… Her eyes turned up as he moved in front of her and sat into the next seat over. He still looked ready to bolt. They had no secrets from one another at this point, with their story, and the Bullywhips… which only showed her how freaked he was. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know… I just wanted to see, I guess," he shrugged. "You?"

"Glee Club practice… not going…" he looked at the stage, seeing Kurt step out in place. Karofsky looked back at her and so she unzipped and removed the vest, showing her shirt and her word. He frowned at first, probably asking himself the same question she had when she first saw the word. She tilted her head, and she watched understanding dawn on him.

"Still can't show…" she stared back down at the stage, where the performance had begun.

"Why would you…" he started to speak, then stopped. She wasn't paying attention to him in that moment, unaware that her reason for silence was the same as his: Brittany had walked on stage. He looked at her, then back to Santana. "It's her…" Santana tensed up. She hadn't gone and told him everything about herself, all the parts that had gotten her to this point. She hadn't told him about her… But now he'd gone and said two words and she knew he understood both that it had been Brittany who'd made the shirt, and that if Santana wore it then it was for her… "Are you two…" She didn't answer…

"You know some days I wonder what it would be like, to go out there… and everyone would know what there was to know…"

"I couldn't do it," he shook his head.

"Of course not; that's why you're here… why I'm here…" she bowed her head "But I tried today… I really did…" her voice threatened to crack. "Got as far as… here… and I couldn't go any further." He didn't speak. "I never would have guessed, the two of us being back here… hiding." He didn't like that concept any more than she did. "The problem is we can talk as much as we want, but there's always going to be that one point… where we get stuck… turn into cowards. We can't help it, just happens."

"I'm not a…" he started, sounding like he was trying to bite back something that sounded like anger but went deeper.

"Fine, then go down there and tell them you like kissing guys," she pointed. He looked back at her. "You can't do it, and neither can I."

"Yeah, but you're…"

"Just because I told you about it, doesn't mean I'm ready to tell anyone I don't have something to keep quiet with… Sorry," she added on the end, considering she had more or less told him it was blackmail… But he got it.

"I thought I had it all figured out," he started, and she looked at him. They had been spending more time together, working out their story, then the Bullywhips, but… he was different in this moment… He had pain, and he let it out… Maybe because she had, too. "But this is so much bigger than me… It terrifies me, and it's not just about them, it's… I can't even tell myself…"

"You will. One day you'll wake up and it won't be so hard… But it's one small victory… Might be your only one for a while." He looked shell shocked, looking at the stage. "But I'll be right here, too."

She stared at that stage, too, looked at her shirt… She hoped Brittany would forgive her for this… She'd tried, she really had… She'd made it halfway… and Brittany would see none of it.

THE END

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><p><strong>PICK A NAME!<br>**_New character currently in development, and I'm being indecisive, so I'm putting it to all of you lovely people!  
>Please send via message if you can, the name you like best... [If you've already voted you can't vote again]<em>

Brendan  
>Duncan<br>Ewan  
>Keegan<br>Neal  
>Rory<br>Sean

_Thank you! :)_

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><p><strong>AN: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
><strong>**In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
><strong>******always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!******


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